Elderwerks Senior Resource Directory 2025/2026

DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR BY A LOVED ONE – STEPS TO HELP

DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR BY A LOVED ONE – STEPS TO HELP

Personal Hygiene One of the most common behaviors caregivers see is their loved ones refusing to take care of their own personal hygiene. Whether they are refusing to shower, put on clean clothes, or brush their teeth, seniors can be extremely defiant when it comes to personal hygiene routines. Depression, the feeling of losing control or feeling uncomfortable with personal grooming assistance may play a part in their defiance. The first step in assisting them is to determine why they will not take care of their personal hygiene. Ask your loved one directly and listen carefully to the response. If they are afraid of falling, then offer to buy a shower seat or a non-slip mat. If they are afraid of losing control, then offer them moments they can control, like mealtime or bedtime. Compromise, coax and support them with this issue. Many adults take their anger and their frustrations out on their caregivers by swearing or using offensive language. If your loved one is generally affable in nature and their use of offensive language is a new issue, then this may be the start of Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. The cognitive decline can affect your loved one’s ability to process language and act appropriately. They may act far more brazen than usual and use a new set of offensive words and phrases in everyday conversation. If this sounds familiar, a neuropsychologist may need to do an assessment. Swearing, Offensive Languages or Inappropriate Comments

personally. They aren’t personally attacking you, no matter how much it seems like they are. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and try to ignore the negative, bad behaviors. If the anger becomes too much for you to bear, then take a break. You can hire a professional caregiver to assist your loved one for a few hours a day or permanently. Your loved one can move into a senior community on a respite stay. This just means that they aren’t a permanent resident. A respite can be one week on up to three months. There are also senior day care programs which can be used to give you a few hours of peace and quiet each day. The bad behavior may not be apparent in front of a stranger, and a new caregiver may not feel the same anger that you receive. Abuse Sometimes, senior loved ones turn on their caregivers and abuse them. It can be damaging to both the caregiver and the loved one. This behavior is inexcusable. The abuser should be confronted the first time it happens. The first step should be to talk to them about the negative behavior. Explain your own frustrations and tell them how their behavior makes you feel. If that does not work continue to talk to them – wash, rinse and repeat - over time they may begin to understand. If your loved one continues with the abuse, leave. Hire a professional caregiver who is qualified to take care of persons with these types of behaviors, or it may be time to consider permanent residency in a senior community.

If you are a caregiver for a senior loved one, you probably have been on the receiving-end of bad behavior days. As health declines, attitudes about life and personal care may change drastically. This can result in loved ones exhibiting bad behavior that may or may not be directed at you. Though you may be exhausted dealing with your loved one’s difficult behavior, as challenging as it may be - you must remember to not take it as a personal attack. Insensitive, demeaning or belligerent behavior often signals that they are not happy with their life. They may need to talk to someone about their issues- maybe a peer, counselor, or a support group. They may need a change in routine, or a change in medications. Depending on health issues and their state of mind, their behavior can be a signal that they are physically hurting or are not tolerating medications well. It could also simply signify that they are upset and tired of being cared for and their loss of independence. No matter the reason, you must be able to cope with their behavior and work on moving forward. Anger Unfortunately, if one has always had anger issues, their anger and irritability may be enhanced as they age. As they age, they may act out more often and the caregiver typically takes the brunt of this behavior. The cause of their anger will need to be identified in order to help them calm down. Most often, the cause of aggressive and behavior of an older adult is because they are distressed about health issues, new symptoms or other contributing factors to their pain. If your loved one’s aggravation continues for a long period of time, and it is a new behavior, it’s time to contact their doctor. They may need a change in medications, need a physical exam or being assessed by a neuropsychologist. When your loved one does become angry, remember not to take the anger

HELPFUL INFORMATION

276

(855) 462 0100

Elderwerks.org